Surrender

Hi there!

Its been a long time since I last posted here in my blog. I missed posting but here I am, posting again after a year. I haven't updated this blog for quite some time. I'm not sure if some people bothers to read this anymore but I'll do it anyway.

This has been a one of the toughest seasons in my life. Its like the Abraham-Isaac story where I have to give to God what is most precious to me just to prove my love for God. I admit that at first, it was very difficult for me because I don't usually do these kind of things. In tagalog, kung ano ang gusto ko, yun talaga gusto ko. Kindly get a Filipino friend to translate that phrase for you hehehe. But it was that way before so I was not used to give up things for God because I know in my heart that I haven't done that before. Yes my parents were Christians already since I was in preschool but I haven't really had a personal relationship with God until college. My years in college taught me a lot. I realized that I haven't really have a personal and intimate relationship with God. I only know about Him but I don't know Him personally which broke my heart. I thought all this time, I know Him but in fact, I don't. 

So this season, He was asking me to give up some things I hold on so dear. I didn't want to do it first because I asked God, "Why? This is too difficult." Its been two years since I held back just because I thought I cannot live without it, just because I didn't trust Him as much as I do now. I held back for two long years. I regret holding back for two years and not pursuing Him right away. I prayed about it and now I'm starting all over again. 

Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your finger open.

I am in a place where I'm holding on to nothing and no one but Jesus. My will surrendered. My flesh dying every single day just to obey the will of my Father. I have gone through a long road before coming here and I am aware that there is more to come. There are more trials to come to test my conviction and my decision to follow Jesus no matter what the cost. It didn't come easy for me but by the grace of God, I have come to the point of surrendering every area of my life which I have never done before. I never trust the Lord this much. I want to trust Him more than I do now. I know that His plans for me are greater than the plans I made for myself. I know that as I surrender everything I have and everything that I am, He has me in His precious and righteous hands. There is no safe place in this world than in the middle of His perfect will. I do not want to live in His permissive will but in His perfect will.

I pray the same thing for you who is going through the same thing I do. I know it is difficult and it seems impossible to get out of this season but seasons come and go. Storms are not meant to stay in our life. Its meant to strengthen us and to draw us nearer to the Lord. Its the best choice to draw nearer to God through the greatest storms in our life than to run away from Him in unbelief that He make all things work together for good to those who love the Lord. It is His promise. Let us hold on to that promise so tightly like its all we have left.

Jesus, I pray for my dear brothers and sisters right now who are also going through the same seasons of pruning and sanctification. I pray that you strengthen their hearts with Your precious Word. I pray that You make their crooked paths straight as they acknowledge Your presence in their lives. I pray that whatever they surrender to You Lord, You will never leave their hands and hearts  empty. Your Spirit will fill their lives as if they haven't lost anything because Jesus, you are enough and you alone can fulfill our empty hearts. No man in this world can satisfy our hearts. Only the One who created our hearts could satisfy it. Lord God, we ask you to fill our hearts with your peace and joy. Sustain us through this tough season in our lives and I pray that your will be done in our lives, your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven. We want to prove that we love you Lord more than anything or anyone else. We love you  Jesus. We long to see your face and just be soaked in your holy presence. We are waiting here for you Jesus with our hands lifted high in praise. Your love never fails Jesus. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for your mercy is new every morning. Thank you for the cross Jesus. Thank you for your unconditional love for us. Thank you for everything. We love you. In the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.

God bless you my dear brothers and sisters in Christ!

God never gives up!

I'm down to my last weeks in my second year in college. I can say that this is one of the most challenging years in my life in school. There are times when I just want to give up and throw myself away from this stressful environment. But every time I think about those things, God never fails to remind me of His love. God tells me to not give up, because He never even thought of giving up on me.

God always reminds me of this verse I've been holding on to:

(Psalm 73:23-26)

Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

There are times that I doubt God. There are times when I felt like ending these things immediately, if you know what I mean. There are times when I just don't want to do what God wants me to do. There are times that even the Word of God doesn't help me, because my heart is so overruled by my toxic emotions. But you know what? No doubts and fears can restrain the greatness of our God. He loves us with an everlasting and unconditional love. He first loved us even before we were still sinners. He sees the depths in our hearts but He loves us the same. How can we be sure about this? We can hold on to His Word because He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is faithful and true to His Words. It may sound too good too be true for some but this is an awesome truth we should always remember.. that everything in this life will change but only God will never change! :)

Waiting heart

There are things I long to hear
There are things I long to feel
But this is not the appropriate time
I have to wait, wait for God

I have given my heart to the only One
The only One who will perfectly take good care of my heart
The only One whom I can trust my whole heart to
The only One who deserves my heart

I am a young princess of God
He wants me to make the most out of my singlehood
And while I wait, I will serve the mighty king
I'm setting my standards higher, standards based on God's

I won't settle for anything less than God's best
He's preparing the man for me
He's preparing someone whom He thinks I deserve
Whoever he is, I love him already
The man who will lead me closer to God
No worldly man will I ever allow to pursue me

I love you God
I choose to give and surrender everything to you, everything about me.
I choose to obey you Lord
Taking every step in obedience


0% trust in man
100% hope in God

Its worth the wait

Love is waiting 'till we're ready, 'till its right. 

I will wait for you and I will know you because when you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses. Your faith will remind me of Abraham. Your confidence in God's Word will remind me of Daniel. Your inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David. Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me of Joseph and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples. But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ. 

....

And you will know me and you will find me where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed with the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you.

But to my Father, who has known me before I was birthed into this earth, only if You should see fit. I desire Your will above mine so even if You call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You. You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. You are forever my judge and I am forever your witness. And I pray that I am always found on a mission about my Father's business. I will always be Yours and I will always wait for you Lord. More than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait.

This is not yet my season says God and I don't want to rush things and go ahead of Him. I don't want to go ahead of my Father. I want Him to be the one who directs my steps to the right path. I want to lead my life and I don't want my own ways but His ways. Because I know that His ways are always the best.

For now, I want to serve my God with all I am. I want to be molded by the King.. to be the woman that He wants me to be. Just like any other Christian women, I would wait for God and pray for the other. I pray that whoever he is, he's alright. I pray that he's getting things right with Him. I pray that whoever that man is, he's praying for me too. I know in this waiting time, he will be tempted to look away but I pray that he will be strong enough to resist temptations knowing that he is soaked in God's Word. Not wandering away just because of boredom, tired of the wait. I pray that he will wait for God's perfect timing. I pray that he have his eyes on you Father, focusing on You alone. I pray that God will continue to strengthen him everyday. I pray that he is growing and serving you, making this waiting season fruitful. 

'Cause I know when the right time comes, everything will be so perfect, so beautiful. Its all worth the wait. Knowing that I have a God who is faithful, I believe that these pain will soon be all worth it. I may not understand right now but I know that He is faithful, forever and always. 

Dream

There's this dream of mine I had killed not so long ago but I guess its not so bad to pursue it again right? I haven't shared this to my friends in the Philippines. Back home, almost everyone knew what I wanted to be. 

I guess it not bad to pursue modelling again right? Back in high school, I didn't really liked it. It only started when my mom convinced me to join a beauty pageant. I passed the audition and during the process of preparing for the big night, I did a lot of modelling stuffs. It was 2 months of training so a lot of things happened in the process. I did appear in a fashion magazine. I did win as a muse for a few known basketball teams in my hometown. I did modelling for some small events. Those were the times I had come to realize that this is one of the things I want to do. Yes, I won in a few pageants and of course, I did not put my security to the decision of the judges.  My security was and is still with Christ alone.

Before joining the pageant, I was over 60 kilos. I was heavy for a girl, wasn't it? But yeah, during the process I lost weight a lot and I weighed around 43 kilos. I was too thin for a tall girl like me. (Now I weigh around 48 kilos hahaha I gained weight I know.)

Recently, when I came to Philippines. I was surprised with the eating habits of the people. I mean it in a good way. Back in high school, I was not really fond of eating rice. I learned to eat those when I got into college when my friends usually do so. I was depressed as well during my first months of stay here in the Philippines so apparently I gained weight. I killed that dream of mine because I thought that I'm not really something meant for that. I killed every desire of modelling in my heart. I keep telling myself I wasn't meant for it.

But one time,  when I was talking to God. He wasn't laughing at me all the while. All this time, I thought having those kinds of dreams were foolish but I stand corrected. 

Psalms 27:4  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

 It wasn't really foolish after all. It will still not be my priority in any ways. My priority will always be serving God in all my days. It is just one of the dreams I want to pursue someday. And now, I'm on a trap in my school block since they are looking for a representative in Ms. PAN (Philippine Association of Nutrition) pageant. Without my permission, they wrote me down. I don't know how to get out. I don't know how will I react. But anyway, whatever happens, it is still Him to be glorified.