God never gives up!

I'm down to my last weeks in my second year in college. I can say that this is one of the most challenging years in my life in school. There are times when I just want to give up and throw myself away from this stressful environment. But every time I think about those things, God never fails to remind me of His love. God tells me to not give up, because He never even thought of giving up on me.

God always reminds me of this verse I've been holding on to:

(Psalm 73:23-26)

Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

There are times that I doubt God. There are times when I felt like ending these things immediately, if you know what I mean. There are times when I just don't want to do what God wants me to do. There are times that even the Word of God doesn't help me, because my heart is so overruled by my toxic emotions. But you know what? No doubts and fears can restrain the greatness of our God. He loves us with an everlasting and unconditional love. He first loved us even before we were still sinners. He sees the depths in our hearts but He loves us the same. How can we be sure about this? We can hold on to His Word because He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is faithful and true to His Words. It may sound too good too be true for some but this is an awesome truth we should always remember.. that everything in this life will change but only God will never change! :)

Waiting heart

There are things I long to hear
There are things I long to feel
But this is not the appropriate time
I have to wait, wait for God

I have given my heart to the only One
The only One who will perfectly take good care of my heart
The only One whom I can trust my whole heart to
The only One who deserves my heart

I am a young princess of God
He wants me to make the most out of my singlehood
And while I wait, I will serve the mighty king
I'm setting my standards higher, standards based on God's

I won't settle for anything less than God's best
He's preparing the man for me
He's preparing someone whom He thinks I deserve
Whoever he is, I love him already
The man who will lead me closer to God
No worldly man will I ever allow to pursue me

I love you God
I choose to give and surrender everything to you, everything about me.
I choose to obey you Lord
Taking every step in obedience


0% trust in man
100% hope in God

Its worth the wait

Love is waiting 'till we're ready, 'till its right. 

I will wait for you and I will know you because when you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses. Your faith will remind me of Abraham. Your confidence in God's Word will remind me of Daniel. Your inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David. Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me of Joseph and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples. But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ. 

....

And you will know me and you will find me where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed with the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you.

But to my Father, who has known me before I was birthed into this earth, only if You should see fit. I desire Your will above mine so even if You call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You. You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. You are forever my judge and I am forever your witness. And I pray that I am always found on a mission about my Father's business. I will always be Yours and I will always wait for you Lord. More than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait.

This is not yet my season says God and I don't want to rush things and go ahead of Him. I don't want to go ahead of my Father. I want Him to be the one who directs my steps to the right path. I want to lead my life and I don't want my own ways but His ways. Because I know that His ways are always the best.

For now, I want to serve my God with all I am. I want to be molded by the King.. to be the woman that He wants me to be. Just like any other Christian women, I would wait for God and pray for the other. I pray that whoever he is, he's alright. I pray that he's getting things right with Him. I pray that whoever that man is, he's praying for me too. I know in this waiting time, he will be tempted to look away but I pray that he will be strong enough to resist temptations knowing that he is soaked in God's Word. Not wandering away just because of boredom, tired of the wait. I pray that he will wait for God's perfect timing. I pray that he have his eyes on you Father, focusing on You alone. I pray that God will continue to strengthen him everyday. I pray that he is growing and serving you, making this waiting season fruitful. 

'Cause I know when the right time comes, everything will be so perfect, so beautiful. Its all worth the wait. Knowing that I have a God who is faithful, I believe that these pain will soon be all worth it. I may not understand right now but I know that He is faithful, forever and always. 

Dream

There's this dream of mine I had killed not so long ago but I guess its not so bad to pursue it again right? I haven't shared this to my friends in the Philippines. Back home, almost everyone knew what I wanted to be. 

I guess it not bad to pursue modelling again right? Back in high school, I didn't really liked it. It only started when my mom convinced me to join a beauty pageant. I passed the audition and during the process of preparing for the big night, I did a lot of modelling stuffs. It was 2 months of training so a lot of things happened in the process. I did appear in a fashion magazine. I did win as a muse for a few known basketball teams in my hometown. I did modelling for some small events. Those were the times I had come to realize that this is one of the things I want to do. Yes, I won in a few pageants and of course, I did not put my security to the decision of the judges.  My security was and is still with Christ alone.

Before joining the pageant, I was over 60 kilos. I was heavy for a girl, wasn't it? But yeah, during the process I lost weight a lot and I weighed around 43 kilos. I was too thin for a tall girl like me. (Now I weigh around 48 kilos hahaha I gained weight I know.)

Recently, when I came to Philippines. I was surprised with the eating habits of the people. I mean it in a good way. Back in high school, I was not really fond of eating rice. I learned to eat those when I got into college when my friends usually do so. I was depressed as well during my first months of stay here in the Philippines so apparently I gained weight. I killed that dream of mine because I thought that I'm not really something meant for that. I killed every desire of modelling in my heart. I keep telling myself I wasn't meant for it.

But one time,  when I was talking to God. He wasn't laughing at me all the while. All this time, I thought having those kinds of dreams were foolish but I stand corrected. 

Psalms 27:4  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

 It wasn't really foolish after all. It will still not be my priority in any ways. My priority will always be serving God in all my days. It is just one of the dreams I want to pursue someday. And now, I'm on a trap in my school block since they are looking for a representative in Ms. PAN (Philippine Association of Nutrition) pageant. Without my permission, they wrote me down. I don't know how to get out. I don't know how will I react. But anyway, whatever happens, it is still Him to be glorified. 

18th of August

This Saturday is my 18th birthday and still.. I'm totally clueless on how will I celebrate that day. I still don't know what to do. Its just.. hard to plan and sort things out with out my family. I wanted all along to celebrate my birthday with them but since I'm here and they're abroad. Its no near possible. But I'm still thankful that I know I can still chat with them online on my birthday. I'm not really excited about that day. My friends are even more excited for me than I do. Its just that I don't really know what to do and what to feel. 

I really want to celebrate my birthday and make it a special and memorable one. I want it to be a happy day.  I want to encounter God on that day. Daddy God..